Your Story Matters

"Trust is a crucial aspect of the adoption journey"

School and Education

Lessons Learned: A Path Forward

Our journey through the education system with an adopted child has been one of deep pain, frustration, and ultimately, a powerful awakening to the severe shortcomings that exist when it comes to supporting children who have experienced trauma. The system, from senior management to the classroom, has shown a stunning lack of understanding about the unique challenges these children face. This ignorance doesn’t just hurt the child - it affects the whole family, often in ways that are devastating and long-lasting.

It is difficult to overstate how cruel the lack of urgency is when it comes to addressing the immediate needs of children who are struggling. The system is slow to act, and when it does, the support provided is often inadequate or misdirected. The delay in identifying a child’s learning differences, whether it’s dyslexia, ADHD, or something else, only worsens the situation. The child’s self-esteem erodes, academic performance suffers, and the worry and stress pile up for the family. This doesn’t just make things harder for the child - it creates an atmosphere of constant tension, anxiety, and hopelessness for everyone involved.

What’s even more painful is the way that other children, often unaware of the struggles their peers face, can be brutally cruel. When children are different - whether it’s because they’re adopted, have special needs, or come from a traumatic background - other kids can be relentless. They don’t understand the reasons behind a child’s behaviour and quickly label them as "weird" or "bad." The cruelty of this treatment only deepens the child's sense of isolation and difference. For an adopted child, the hurt can be especially deep, as they may already struggle with the loss of their birth parents, and the exclusion they face from their peers can make them feel invisible and unworthy of love or care.

What’s worse is the failure of the system to truly listen to the families who are living with these children every day. As parents, we understand our child better than anyone, yet the education system too often dismisses our insights and struggles. Teachers and administrators may see a child acting out or withdrawing, but they often fail to understand the underlying reasons - how deep-seated trauma, a lack of trust, or sensory overload can cause a child to behave in ways that are misunderstood. Instead of receiving support tailored to their needs, these children are often punished, further exacerbating the issues they face.

This lack of understanding doesn’t just affect the child - it ripples out and affects the entire family. The strain of trying to advocate for a child who is not receiving the support they need takes an emotional toll. Families are left navigating a system that doesn’t have the resources, the training, or the empathy to help their child.

The constant stress, frustration, and heartbreak of watching your child suffer and feeling powerless to change things can strain relationships, diminish the family’s well-being, and, in some cases, jeopardize the stability of the adoptive placement itself.

The emotional distress that results from the system’s failure to meet the needs of children in these circumstances is not just a minor inconvenience - it is a crisis. It erodes trust, shatters hope, and deeply impacts the well-being of the child and their entire family. In the end, the education system’s refusal to understand and meet the needs of these children does more than just cause academic setbacks - it inflicts a lasting, painful wound on the child’s sense of worth and the family’s ability to thrive together.

This is not just a matter of education - it is a matter of basic human decency. The system must change. There must be a shift in how we approach children who have been adopted, those who have suffered trauma, and those who require special support.

If we are to truly serve every child, we must provide an education system that sees the whole child, understands their background, and delivers the support they need to succeed, not just academically, but emotionally and socially. Without this change, the cruel cycle of neglect, misunderstanding, and pain will continue to harm not just the children, but the families who love them.